The Question

Everyone asks it. Everyone is wondering. I've answered it dozens of times in the past couple of months. It's gotten to the point that when I talk to, call, facebook message, or email other graduating seniors we don't even have to say it. "You don't have to answer that other question if you don't want to."

I'd say this isn't a big deal. In fact, it's nice that people care enough to ask. And I'm generally interested in what the rest of my friends are doing after graduation.

It's just... I don't know. And I have to explain how I don't know anywhere from 2 to 10 times every day. And, if I'm going to be truly honest with myself, I don't even mind explaining it.

What I mind is not knowing.

So what am I doing after graduation?

I wish I knew.

Yes, I have some plans. A month-long road trip out west with my sister will be sweet and a good transition for both of us. Perhaps a month in Peru with Dave working on the orphanage if I can find the funds. I've applied to some things. An internship in DC. Internships and jobs with development organizations from Afghanistan to Sudan.

There's nothing left to do now but wait. It just feels like I ought to be doing more. Going to job fairs, searching the internet for the umpteenth time, anything.

God seems to reveal things to me at the last minute. Penn State? Chosen on the last possible day. Philly? Came after I already had a summer job nailed down. New York? Even later. Philippines? Travel plans, vaccines, and support raising thousands of dollars in a month and a half.

I'm a planner. I bring an insane amount of stuff with me everywhere, just to be prepared. I think if God told me I was going to India now, I'd start learning hindi. And I'm probably better off focusing on the hear and now.

And I ought to know that God has it under control. Clearly He got me to all those other places just fine.

Not knowing just bugs me.