Restlessness

Until this year I have always looked at the seniors as sort of "not all there". Not mentally, but in the sense that they aren't quite fully a part of all that is going on at Penn State or ACF. It's always kind of puzzled me, as it seems like they should have been the most involved. But for one reason or another, they always came across as somehow set apart, somehow not entirely aligned with the world around them.

Now I feel it. I can tell that, though I am here and as busy/involved as ever, part of me is looking ahead. I know my days are numbered. And everyone else senses it too. Tonight I was talking with a friend about how we are both excited for what's next, knowing that God has drawn us towards things that make us more alive, and for which we have more passion than we do for going to class. There's a weird struggle in trying to enjoy every last moment of Penn State and yet looking ahead to the wonderful things coming, which resonate a little more deeply with why I am the way I am.

And suddenly, I was drawn back to Hebrews 11. In some ways this dynamic mirrors the way the faithful feel about heaven. They are in the world but make it clear that they are seeking a country of their own. They are busy doing what God has called them to, involved in their communities, but knowing that their days there are numbered. They make the best of where God has placed them, but look forward to a city which has foundations where they will be they way they are meant to be.

I'm not so sure my restlessness is such a bad thing then. I'm not so sure I should be entirely aligned with world around me. So long as I am as a stranger and an exile, not just because I desire the next step, but because I desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one.