7-5
Yesterday while I was cruising the internet I happened to check out the David Crowder Band website. There I got sucked into reading a bunch of randomness (some of which was quite good) and found a note by Mike Hogan. He’s part of the band and coauthored the book Everybody Wants to Go to Heaven But Nobody Wants to Die (or the eschatology of bluegrass) with David Crowder (which I highly recommend). Anyways, he has this quote about being on tour, and it struck a chord with me:
“You see, the vast majority of the personnel did not get to see home for nearly two months (24 hours every two weeks or so doesn't count... it makes it worse sometimes). Home includes the physical house, but also the wife, kids, girlfriends, dogs, cats, whatever. Everything that makes a place home was what we didn't see for two months. And after a while, that starts to get at you. Everyone reacts differently, but the inner feeling is pretty much the same: you feel oddly solemn and sort of hacked off at the world for, seemingly, no good reason. No matter how much you may laugh or how good a time you are having at any given moment, it still sort of sucks.”
Today I definitely could relate to being “oddly solemn and sort of hacked off at the world for, seemingly, no good reason.” Pretty much summarizes my mood for the first 75% of the day. Basically, I miss home like crazy. And it’s hard to enjoy meeting new people, answering the same old questions, and conducting interviews when your mind is halfway around the world. Especially when your interviews are going nowhere, and it’s hot, and then it pours for 3 straight hours. And you get home and your clothes, bag, and journal are all wet because the house flooded. But seriously, I was “hacked off” because I just wanted to be home. But I haven’t been home for a summer in a long, long time. And the past two summers I didn’t see home for a solid three months, and I never got this homesick. I’ve been gone for just over a month, so what gives? I mean, there’s something to be said for distance, culture, language, etc. but
I think the real answer comes from the rest of Mike Hogan’s article. He talks about how the band and their crew created this daily ritual of erecting a tent and cooking dinner in there and generally hanging out. And they did it each and every day, for their entire tour, regardless of where they were. His point was that the crew was recreating some of what “makes a place home” in the routine of each other and a common meeting space. But I don’t get that. Ever. My routine is never more than 6 days long, my relationships maybe 7. There’s really no point in unpacking my bag. I’ve got no semblance of home. The past summers, despite not being home, I’ve at least had some stability. Maybe not my real family, but some pretty great coworkers who were around the whole time. Maybe not a house, but at least a place to call my own and relax in. Here, I am always “on”. I’m always learning about a new place, always seeing new things, always adapting to a new family, always imposing on someone else’s space, always trying to figure out the rules for the new week. I’m afraid that the further into the summer I get, the more and more Paula’s prediction that this summer would be “very hard” seems less like a prediction and more like a prophecy.
That being said, this afternoon/evening was full of awesome conversations with the pastor I’m living with and his family (wife, four daughters, and cute old mother in law!). Some of the same topics, but more new fun cultural questions.
4 comments:
im excited to come back and read through all i have missed!!! and excited to catch up on all that has happened the past month or so!! fun times!~! prayin for u...hope all is well
Kenny - maybe that's what Jesus meant in Mt. 8:20
I'm a friend at church of your Mom's. I remember seeing you at Camp Allegheny when I took my 2 boys (for the first time). It was such a relief to see a familiar face and made me feel much better about leaving them. I was going through a hard time with medical problems and was stressed out enough from that, I didn't want to have to worry about them too. I think a familiar face would help you too.
Your notes about having a "home", even a temporary one, struck a chord with me too. One summer we traveled out west with the Grand Canyon as the end point. My older son was racing Mt. Bikes so we fit in 2 races and some other things along the way. We were driving and only had 2 1/2 weeks to fit everything in. We slept in a different place almost every night. The kids got very cranked out about it (all the driving didn't help either). There were 3 nights that really stood out as wonderful. We stayed at one camp site for 2 nights in a row for one of them. They LOVED it. Another night we stayed overnight with some old high school friends of mine. Her family was having a reunion and everyone stayed at the house. We had people sleeping all over the place. My kids had never met most of them, but they had a blast. The last night was in WV. We were there for a race and decided to splurge and rent a cabin at the park. I think they were sick of camping at that point. Anyway, the point is, yes, we all need a place to call home. Traveling around (especially solo) and staying in a different place all of the time is stressful. I'm sure you have pictures of your family. I would put them out in a place where you can see them. (above the flood line). Talk to them at the end of your day and tell them what you did, etc. Have them nearby when you are writing your blogs, etc. Remember that it is only a temporary situation for you, it's a permanent one for the residents. You are helping them in so many ways that you can't even see yet. You will be home soon and the physical part of the experience will be over. Try to put the feelings of being homesick aside and soak in as much of the place as you can. The old saying "Let go and let God" applies. He will show you what to do and help you through it. We are all thinking about you and praying for you. With love from CCUMC.
Thanks for the tip on David Crowder music. Love it. Mom had some so I copied it to my ipod.
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