I've been debating about whether or not to finish writing a thesis. If I write it, I graduate with honors. If I don't, I graduate. Honestly doubt that having "honors" will ever help me as far as a career goes. I'm not going to grad school, at least for a couple of years, and I doubt its the highest priority of international development organizations. Still, I've been worrying, is me not wanting to finish just laziness? Is it just a lack of commitment? Should I be faithful to what I started and push through?
Then I went to a series of lectures given by the architecture department about housing for the poor. Or, at least, they were supposed to be about housing for the poor.
I listened to one lady describe her research on the representation of women and gender within the programming documentation of a slum improvement program in Calcutta. Were the programs supposedly gender neutral but in actuality supporting men? Were they specifically worded to target men or women? Were they designed to address, or even influence, the changing roles of men and women?
And all I could think was why?
Don't get me wrong, addressing women's needs in development work is critically important. But what good does studying the wording of the literature of a development program do? And it was only "preliminary" research that she said she would continue if given the time and resources. Given 10 years and enough money you could study gender representation in every organization in India, but what good would it do?
I couldn't help but wonder how many Indian women in Calcutta could have been helped if the money, energy, and time spent on this research had been spent to help them.
Then I realized, I don't care about research. While my thesis is interesting, it isn't even really my topic, and ultimately I just don't care that much about the results. A couple months of hard work, and I will have a paper that no one will read.
I also think my fears of not finishing are mostly fears about what others would think of me, not what I would think about myself, or what Jesus thinks about me.
As has been pointed out, this is one I can't get back. Once I turn it down, I can't pick it up again. 5 years from now I can't go back and do a thesis and graduate with honors. Honestly, I'm ready for that. I'm ready to be done with having my identity tied up in how good I am and what I've accomplished.
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2 comments:
Bold words, bold thoughts. But they make sense. As much as I'd be interested in hearing about your thesis, it's not always important to jump through the hoops if it distracts you from what you really want to do.
I did the same thing, Kenny. Started brainstorming an honors thesis because it was the thing to do for the perfectionist in me. I grappled with my reasons and the pros and cons and from what I can tell, not doing a thesis hasn't and won't affect my life even academically. No worries.
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